"UBER PIGGYBACK BANDIT" ARRESTED!

Alfredo "Uber Piggyback Bandit" Ponce, 26, Gardena, Ca.

"Uber Piggyback Bandit" Off The Streets.

4 AUG 2014--LOCAL--STREET BEAT

STORY BY LE CAVALIER

#01-002

HOLLYWOOD, CA. -- The Hollywood

Police Department has announced the 

arrest of Alfredo Ponce, 26, of Gardena,

Ca., this past Saturday, on suspicion of 

armed robbery, assault and battery,

kidnapping, and operating a fraudulant 

taxi service.   

     Dubbed the "Uber Piggyback Bandit", 

Ponce, lured in unsuspecting victims with  

his makeshift Uber Taxi mustache formed 

from the remaining hairs on the front of 

his otherwise shaved head. Once he had 

them on his back, he would strap them in 

and run them to a hidden location where

he would commence to beat and rob 

them.  

     His targets, consisted mainly of 

tourists who found the notion of a friendly

piggyback ride through Hollywood too 

good to pass up.  "He was like those 

guys running around in China pulling 

those people carts--what a work ethic!  I 

wanted to support the ingenuity." said 

one victim visiting from London who 

requested to remain anonymous.  Carol 

Daugherty of Strawberry, Arkansas, was 

severely beaten by Ponce.  Sitting in the 

emergency room with a fractured arm, 

she had this to say, "When he turned left 

after I told him to go right, I knew 

something was fishy."  

     In all, 34 victims fell to Ponce before 

he was finally arrested while getting touch 

ups at the Supercuts on Hollywood Blvd and 

Western Ave this past weekend.  Many have 

come forward identifying him as  

the Uber Piggyback Bandit.

     Uber public affairs office issued the following 

written statement, "We don't do mustaches, that's LYFT!".  

LYFT's response concerning fraudulent 

mustaches was precise and poignant,  "Our mustaches 

are pink, furry, and hang from car grills, not 

foreheads.  We in no way condone 

piggyback rides or any form of beastly 

burden such as that exhibited by Mr. Ponce."  

     Ponce, who plans to plead 'not 

guilty', is scheduled for arraignment on 

Friday, Aug. 15, 2014.  If convicted on all 

charges, he could recieve 10 years in a 

California state penatentary.  Bail has 

been set at 50,000 dollars.  

OH DONNA!

    Senior citizen and cross-dresser Don "Donna Simone" Geiger recovers from attempted rape.

75 year old cross-dressing man victim of attempted rape.

3 Aug 2014--Local--Street Beat
Story by Le Cavalier

HOLLYWOOD, CA. -- On Friday, Aug 1, at 9PM, police responded to an alleged 

attempted robbery and rape in the Silverlake area of east Hollywood.  75 year old 

cross-dresser, Don Geiger, who goes by the name Donna Simone when dressed in 

woman's clothing, was the apparent victim of a large Caucasian man who put him 

through a harrowing ordeal.  

     The incident happened along Fountain Ave. just west of the Sunset junction.  

Geiger, whose married and claims to be a straight man, reported taking a stroll in 

his favorite linen sun dress and arabian canvas sandal's when he said,

someone approached him from behind.  "I heard a whisper over my shoulder.

When I turned to see who it was, I was punched in the jaw and kicked in the 

stomach."  Stunned but still conscience, he recalls his arm being violently yanked by 

the man who was pulling at his purse until the strap broke.  The suspect proceeded 

to drag Geiger into an alleyway where he slammed him to the ground behind 

dumpsters.  "I knew then and their I had to fight.  I was in the Navy Seabee's back 

in the 50's you know, but that was decades ago.  I'm an old man now, so he kinda 

had the drop on me."  

     Overcoming Geiger's resistance, he straddled on top of him and pinned him to 

the ground.  The villain then pulled his own pants down before ripping Geiger's 

dress away.  "Boy did he get a big surprise then!" Geiger jeered.  "I had no 

undershorts on that day.  My wife Estelle was doing laundry and I had no underwear 

on!"  He continued, "He just stood there staring at my junk, you know?  I'm sure he wasn't counting on 

that!"  But Geiger wasted no time, he quickly went into action.  "I scrambled to my feet while he was 

gazing and grabbed the nearest object I could find--a Michelob bottle."  

     Breaking it over his assailant's head, Geiger bundled himself up and ran towards 

Sunset Blvd yelling for help.  A few workers at the "Crossroads" clothing company 

came to his aid.  Leading them back to the alley, they found only drops of blood 

trailing from the dumpster to the other end of the alley, the pervert had gotten away.  

     Relieved, albeit shell shocked, Geiger conceded, "If I had been a real woman, it 

would have been curtains for me!"  Estelle, his wife for 50 years, had this to say, 

"I've warned him time and time again that someday this would happen.  The old 

coot makes for a beautiful woman...irresistible!"  

     A few neighbors reported seeing a suspicious man lurking the area prior to this 

incident.  Sketchers are now working with them to produce an image for public 

distribution.  Any information leading to the arrest of this individual should be 

directed towards the Hollywood Police Department tipster hotline.  An investigation 

has been launched.